So long, Montréal

(put on the song at the bottom of this entry before you read it)

I’m at Ayam’s place. She doesn’t have a swedish keyboard, obviously, and I can’t figure out how to make the swedish letters, cause it’s not the same as my dad’s keyboard. So that is why I’m writing in english, I hope you all can understand.

I just felt that I had to write a blogentry. I don’t really know about what. We saw a movie today, called My Life Without Me, and it was amazingly good. And so sad. I don’t want to tell you the story, cause I don’t want to spoil it for you, but it was beautiful. And it made me cry, so bad. I cried for an hour after it was finished. Not just about the movie, but when I get sad and cry, I can’t stop, cause I think about all bad things that has happened, that will happen, that may happen. Then I got a mild panicattack, but luckily Ayam was there and she hugged me and helped me think and breathe normally so it went away fairly quick. Then I went outside to get some fresh air and cool down, and it was snowing. Not really snowing, but when the snow/rain hit the ground it stayed, as slush.

The girl in the movie said that cold makes her feel alive, and I get what she means. Walking down the slushy streets in my broken sneakers I really felt alive, and I thought about all the things that makes me sad, but then I thought about all the things that makes me happy. And I know, I know there has been a lot of these kliché appreciate-your-life-and-love-yourself-entries here lately, but my mood is like this right now, it’s up and down, I’m sad and happy, like a rollercoaster, and this blog is my diary, so it’s very natural for me to write what I feel here. The fact that people are reading makes it easier to write. And I like to read blogs where people write from their heart, so I hope you do too. About that, I was wondering if you like text entries or photo entries better? Leave a comment!

The time is over 1 am, which means that it’s Monday. Which means that the day after tomorrow is my last day in Canada. I leave Thursday morning. It feels a bit sad – there are a lot of things I didn’t do, things that I didn’t say, people I didn’t talk to, shows I didn’t see, pictures I didn’t take. But for every thing I didn’t do, I did a whole bunch of other things, said a lot of other things, talked to a lot of other people, saw a lot of other shows, and took a thousand other pictures. So I’m really happy. Even though I haven’t actually accomplished anything real, I feel that in some way I’ve accomplished something, even if I don’t know what. I got to learn how to create a life in a city where I had nothing to work with. No school, no job, no hobby, no sport. I just lived, and I think I did a hell of a good job. And I’m looking forward to move back next year, not alone this time though. I’m bringing one of my best friends, Hedvig. I know you’re gonna love her too Montréal, just as much as you love me.

So, so long Montréal, see you soon, take care, I love you, and everything that has anything to do with you, even though it sometimes was painful and still is.

Yours sincerely,
Torunn Splitter

(who looks like this today)

and btw, put on this song before you read, it’s kind of the soundtrack to this entry.